Stop, Verify, Tell (and What to Do If It Already Happened)
By Larry Betz | Prepared Not Paranoid https://www.preparednotparanoid.com/
A family fraud prevention plan doesn't have to be complicated. Three words, a few settings at the bank, and one conversation can stop most scams, and give your family a plan if one gets through anyway.
When I was a Safety Director, the best safety rules were the ones everyone followed, from the newest apprentice to the most experienced mechanic. Nobody was singled out. It was just how we did things.
That's the secret to protecting older adults from fraud. Don't make it a rule for Grandma. Make it a rule for the whole family.
In Parts 1 through 3, we covered how scams work and the most common ones to watch for. Now let's build the plan, and cover exactly what to do if a scam gets through.
Stop, Verify, Tell
Three words. Easy to remember under pressure.
STOP. Pause. Don't click, pay, move money, share a code, or let anyone into your computer. Hang up or close the message. A real organization will give you time to check.
VERIFY. Use a separate, trusted channel. Call a number you already know, open the official app, call a family member, or go in person. Never use contact information from the suspicious message.
TELL. Talk to someone you trust before you act. Scammers need you isolated. A second person can spot what doesn't add up, calm the pressure, and help you write down what happened.
Build Your Family Fraud Prevention Plan
Choose a family code word and keep it private. It's one tool, not the only proof.
Agree that nobody gets criticized for pausing a request or calling to check. Ever.
Set a household rule: any unexpected request for money needs a second person and a separate way to verify.
Add a trusted contact at the bank and brokerage. A trusted contact can be alerted if the institution suspects exploitation, but doesn't get control of the money.
Turn on alerts for transactions, logins, password changes, and new payees.
Use a password manager and two-factor login on email and financial accounts.
Freeze credit at all three credit bureaus when new credit isn't needed. It's free, and you can lift it temporarily when you need to.
Limit what's online: travel dates, birthdays, family relationships, phone numbers, and public videos with your voice.
Review statements together: bank and card statements, credit reports (free at AnnualCreditReport.com), Medicare notices, and subscriptions.
Plan ahead for help with finances. Talk to a qualified attorney before setting up or changing powers of attorney, trusts, joint accounts, or estate documents.
How to Help Without Taking Over
This is where many families go wrong. Starting with "You can't handle this anymore" creates secrecy, defensiveness, and fear of losing control. A parent who feels judged won't tell you when something goes wrong.
Instead:
Ask permission before looking at accounts or devices, unless it's an emergency
Offer choices: "Would you rather call the bank together, or go to the branch?"
Focus on the criminal's behavior, not your parent's judgment
No blame, no "I told you so." Shame helps the scammer by keeping the victim quiet.
If you're worried about memory or decision-making, get professional guidance instead of trying to take control yourself
The Prepared Protector makes asking for help the easy part. If your parent knows they'll get help instead of a lecture, they'll call you first. That phone call is the whole plan.
What to Say
"Dad, scams are getting more convincing for all of us. How about we use the same rule? If either of us gets an unexpected request for money or account information, we pause and check with each other first."
If a Scam Already Happened: Act Fast
Speed matters. Your rights and the chances of getting money back can depend on how quickly you report it.
Stop all contact and payments. Don't pay a "release fee," "tax," or "recovery fee."
Call the bank or payment company immediately through a verified number. Say it was fraud, and ask if the payment can be stopped, recalled, frozen, or disputed. This includes card issuers, payment apps, wire services, gift card companies, and crypto platforms.
If someone had remote access, disconnect the device from the internet, get trusted help removing the software, and change passwords from a different device.
Secure email first, then financial, shopping, social media, and phone carrier accounts. Turn on two-factor login and sign out unknown devices.
If personal information was exposed, go to IdentityTheft.gov for a recovery plan, and place a credit freeze or fraud alert.
Save the evidence: screenshots, phone numbers, emails, receipts, gift cards, transaction details, and a written timeline.
Report it (see Who to Call below).
Watch for the second wave. Victims are often targeted again by "recovery" scammers who promise to get the money back for a fee. It may be the same criminals.
Who to Call: The Reporting Directory
My free Who to Call Scam Reporting Guide puts every number on one page, ready to print and keep by the phone. [Get it here: LINK]
The Family Conversation
Sit down together and talk through these:
What will we do if someone calls asking for money or account information?
Who are the two people each of us will call before acting?
What's our family code word?
How will we check if a call is really from the bank, the government, the police, or a relative?
Which bank alerts and trusted contacts should we set up?
Where will we keep the reporting numbers?
Ask Yourself
Have we set up a trusted contact and account alerts for my parents?
If my parent got scammed tomorrow, would they call me, or hide it?
Do we have the reporting numbers written down somewhere we can find them fast?
5 Quick Wins You Can Start Today
Freeze credit at Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion. It's free and takes a few minutes each.
Add a trusted contact at your parents' bank and brokerage.
Turn on alerts for transfers, new payees, logins, and password changes.
Agree on the two people each of you will call before acting on any money request.
Print the Who to Call guide and keep it by the phone.
Remember: The goal isn't to distrust everyone. It's to recognize the moment when trust is being used against you. If it happens, asking for help is a protective step, not a failure.
Series Wrap-Up
That's the Scam-Proofing series. Part 1 showed you the pattern. Part 2 covered the callers who pretend to be someone official. Part 3 covered the scams that go after the heart. Part 4 gave you the plan. Set up one piece of it this week, and your family is already harder to fool.
Get Started Today
My free guide, Protecting Older Adults from Scams and Financial Exploitation, includes the Stop, Verify, Tell method, the family conversation questions, and the full reporting directory, ready to print.
DM the word [KEYWORD] on Instagram or Facebook and I'll send it to you. [Get it here: LINK]
Go Deeper
The Family Safety Toolkit includes a Senior Safety section with checklists for fraud prevention and fall prevention. This post gives you the plan. The Toolkit gives you the checklists to put it in place and keep it current. [Get it here: LINK]
Cyber Safety: A Beginner's Guide to Protecting Your Digital Footprint walks through passwords, account security, and identity theft recovery. [Get it here: LINK]
Coming soon: the Senior Safety Guide. Step-by-step credit freeze and trusted contact setup, a full recovery workbook, legal and financial readiness, and organizer pages that keep your parents' accounts, contacts, and documents in one place, with color-coded access levels so the family agrees ahead of time who can see what.
Tools I recommend: password organizers, call blockers, and other tools to help older adults stay safe, secure, and independent at home, in my Senior Safety store. [SENIOR SAFETY STORE LINK]
The Full Series
Part 1: It's Not About Being Smart [LINK]
Part 2: "This Is Your Bank Calling" [LINK]
Part 3: Scams That Pull at the Heart [LINK]
Part 4: Build Your Family's Fraud Plan (you are here)
Related Reading
Staying Steady: Fall Prevention series [LINK]
Red Cell Your Family, Part 6: Train Your Team (the family code word) [LINK]
Red Cell Your Family, Part 7: Just in Case [LINK]
References
Federal Trade Commission, What To Do if You Were Scammed: https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-you-were-scammed
Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, Reporting Elder Financial Abuse and Trusted Contact information: https://www.consumerfinance.gov/consumer-tools/educator-tools/resources-for-older-adults/
FINRA, Trusted Contact Person: https://www.finra.org/investors/insights/trusted-contact
U.S. Department of Justice, National Elder Fraud Hotline: https://www.ovc.ojp.gov/program/stop-elder-fraud/providing-help-restoring-hope
Social Security Office of the Inspector General, Report Fraud: https://oig.ssa.gov
Disclaimer: This article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not legal or financial advice. Consult a qualified attorney before creating or changing powers of attorney, trusts, joint accounts, or estate documents. If you suspect a family member is being exploited, contact their bank, your local Adult Protective Services, or law enforcement. These suggestions are intended to help you and your family build awareness, confidence, and safer decision-making habits. No safety plan, checklist, or training can guarantee 100% protection. There will always be people who try to exploit vulnerability, opportunity, trust, or positions of power. Laws and reporting rules vary, so check your state and county for the exact rules where you live. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Think an older adult has been scammed? Call the National Elder Fraud Hotline at 1-833-FRAUD-11 (1-833-372-8311). If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Do not confront a suspected exploiter alone.
Awareness gives you time. Time gives you options.
The Prepared Protector is someone who's decided that loving someone means being ready for them, not just hoping things go fine.
Prepared Not Paranoid. Protecting the Most Vulnerable Among Us.
