Building Awareness Early, One Calm Question at a Time
By Larry Betz | Prepared Not Paranoid https://www.preparednotparanoid.com/
The What If Game for kids is one of the simplest safety tools a parent has. A few calm questions, practiced often, teach your child what to do before they ever need to do it.
I'll never forget seeing a car covered in bumper stickers, each one giving away a piece of the family's life, from the kids' sports teams to where they went to school. It may have seemed harmless, but it was practically a roadmap for strangers. Add today's social media, and you're handing out a direct map to your family. You don't see as many bumper stickers anymore, but the lesson stands: always be aware of the information you're putting out into the world. (Part 2 covers this in detail.)
Your Child's Safety Starts on Day One
You've probably heard about "the Red Zone," the first few months of college, when more than half of college sexual assaults happen. I wrote a full book on it for students leaving home for the first time. But your child's safety doesn't begin at college. It starts on day one.
As the Agent in Charge of your family's safety, you can start teaching awareness from a very young age. Children are naturally observant and intuitive. What they need is guidance to recognize what their instincts are telling them, and the confidence to act on those feelings. Some people call it their "internal GPS."
No one knows your child better than you. The scenarios below are guides to start the conversation. Adjust them for your child's age, personality, and needs. These aren't one-time talks. They're ongoing lessons, woven into everyday life.
How the What If Game Works
The What If Game is a simple way to talk through everyday situations in a calm, non-scary way. You ask a question like "What if someone you don't know offers you a ride?" or "What if you get separated from me in a store?" Your child thinks through a safe answer before they ever face the real thing.
Over time, this builds two things: the confidence to react, and the habit of trusting their instincts.
The What If Game: 5 Scenarios
1. Separated at a Park, Mall, or Store
Parent: "What if you look up and can't see me in the store?" Child might say: "I'd look for you." Parent: "Good thinking, but don't wander. Stay where you are for a minute. If you still don't see me, go to someone safe. Who would that be?" Child: "A worker with a name tag." Parent: "Exactly. Or a mom with kids. Never leave the building. Our meeting spot is by the front counter. Let's walk there together so you know it."
Instinct Check-In: "When you couldn't find me, how would your body feel? Scared? Nervous? Those feelings are your alarm system. Listen to them, then follow our plan."
2. Someone You Kind of Know Offers a Ride
Parent: "What if someone you kind of know, like a neighbor, a coach, or one of Daddy's friends, offers you a ride home?" Child: "I'd say no." Parent: "Good. What words would you use?" Child (practice saying it firmly): "No! I'm not allowed to go with you!" Parent: "Perfect. Then what would you do?" Child: "Go back inside the school and tell a teacher. If I can't get back inside, I'll go to the safe place we talked about, like Grandma's or Mrs. Smith's house." Parent: "Exactly. Even if they say it's an emergency, or that Mom or Dad sent them, you never go. No exceptions. If there's a real emergency, we'll tell you ourselves, or the person we already picked will come, and they'll know the family password." (Part 2 shows you how to set up a family password.)
Instinct Check-In: "If someone offered you a ride, how would you know it didn't feel right? What feelings would warn you?"
3. An Adult Says, "This Is Our Secret"
Parent: "What if someone tells you, 'Don't tell your parents, this is our secret'?" Child: "I'd tell you anyway." Parent: "Exactly right. Surprises are okay, like birthday presents. Secrets from your parents are not. What could you say?" Child (practice): "I don't keep secrets from my parents." Parent: "Yes. Then you come to me right away. You'll never get in trouble for telling."
Instinct Check-In: "Would you feel uneasy, nervous, or heavy inside? That's your signal to tell me."
For the full surprises-vs-secrets talk, see My Body, My Boundaries, Part 3.
4. Someone Makes You Feel Uncomfortable
Parent: "What if someone touches you or says something that makes you feel weird or scared?" Child: "I'd say stop." Parent: "Yes, say it loudly: 'Stop! Don't touch me!' Then what?" Child: "Leave and tell you." Parent: "Perfect. Even if it's someone we know, you can always come to me. You're never in trouble for telling."
Instinct Check-In: "If your stomach feels tight, your heart races, or you feel like running away, those are signals to act right away."
For body safety at every age, see My Body, My Boundaries, Part 1.
5. Someone Uses a Trick
Parent: "What if someone says, 'Help me find my puppy,' or 'Your mom told me to pick you up'?" Child: "I'd say no." Parent: "Yes, loudly. What words could you use?" Child (practice shouting): "I don't know you! Stay away!" Parent: "Good. Then what?" Child: "Run to a safe place, like back inside the school or to another family." Parent: "Exactly. Safe adults ask other adults for help, not kids. No one picks you up unless I told you first."
Instinct Check-In: "If someone tried this trick, what would your gut tell you?"
The Prepared Protector Asks What If
A What If question takes thirty seconds in the car. It doesn't feel like a safety lesson, and that's why it works. A Prepared Protector doesn't wait for the scary moment to teach the plan. You ask the question on an ordinary Tuesday, so on the day it matters, your child already knows the answer.
Repetition Is the Secret Ingredient
Children forget quickly, and that's normal. Even when they seem to "get it," safety lessons need to be reinforced often. You may feel like you're repeating yourself to the point of being annoying. That's exactly how it sticks. Think of how kids learn to brush their teeth, tie their shoes, or say "please" and "thank you."
Skip the long lectures. Use short bursts instead:
Car rides: "What would you do if someone you don't know asked you for help?"
Bedtime: a quick 2-minute What If before stories.
The store or park: pick a meeting spot every time. New place, new plan.
The walk to school or practice: "If you felt unsafe right now, what could you do?"
Your child may roll their eyes. Deep down, repetition tells them you're serious about their safety. One day, that "annoying reminder" might be what helps them make the right choice under pressure.
Teaching Kids to Trust Their Instincts
Parents often introduce a child to someone and push them to say hello or give a hug, even when the child is hesitant. "Just be nice." It seems polite, but it can teach children to override their instincts, the internal GPS that warns them when something doesn't feel right.
Instead, respect your child's hesitation, and use it as a teaching moment later. Ask calmly:
"What were you feeling in that moment?"
"What made you feel that way?"
"What would you like to do if that happens again?"
You're validating their feelings and showing them their instincts matter. (My Body, My Boundaries, Part 1 covers forced hugs and body autonomy in more depth.)
Give them age-appropriate words, too. Younger kids can say "No, thank you" or step behind a parent. Older kids and teens can say "I don't feel comfortable with that."
Above all, teach your children that safety comes before politeness.
Everyday What If Moments and the 10-Second Rule
The What If Game gets even stronger when you pair it with the 10-Second Rule. Whenever you enter a new place, stop, look, listen, and count down from ten. In those ten seconds, ask one quick What If: "What if someone asked me to leave with them?" or "What if I got separated from Mom right now?"
It trains kids to think ahead without feeling scared. Here are natural times to drop in a question without it feeling forced.
Want more ways to build observation skills? Kim's Game and other awareness games are in Awareness Skills for Kids.
What to Say
Keep it calm and light. You're asking a question, not giving a warning.
"Let's play What If. What if you couldn't find me right now?"
"That's a great answer. What would you say out loud?"
"You'll never be in trouble for telling me something. Ever."
Ask Yourself
Have I asked my child a What If question this week?
Do I push my child to hug or greet people when they don't want to?
Does my child know our meeting spot, and our family password?
5 Quick Wins You Can Start Today
Ask one What If on your next car ride.
Practice one script out loud: "No! I'm not allowed to go with you!"
Pick a meeting spot the next time you walk into a store.
Skip the forced hug. Let your child choose a wave or a high five.
Try the 10-second pause the next time you park.
Remember
Kids don't need a scary talk. They need a calm question, asked often. Practice the What If Game, respect their instincts, and remind them they'll never be in trouble for telling.
Coming Up in Part 2
In Part 2, we'll cover back to school and out in public: what your first-day photos really share, why names don't belong on backpacks, how to set up a family password, and how to check for hidden trackers after a day out.
Get Started Today
Get my free Child Safety bundle. It includes When Trusted Adults Cross the Line, Family Tech Rules, the Summer Camp Safety Checklist, and more. DM the word [KEYWORD] on Instagram or Facebook and I'll send it to you. [Get it here: LINK]
Go Deeper
The Family Safety Toolkit. 20 ready-to-use checklists for kids, travel, home, and emergencies, including trusted adults and Family Tech Rules. That's 244 pages, for $19.99. [Get it here: LINK]
Navigating the Red Zone and Beyond. The What If habit you start today is the same one your child will need in college. My book walks students and parents through the Red Zone, how predators lower your guard, and SCAN. [Get it here: https://link.amazon/B030JRBPp]
Coming soon: the Child Safety Manual. The full family guide, with a library of What If scenarios sorted by age, from toddlers to teens, a teen version built on SCAN, and a weekly practice plan.
Tools I recommend: The child safety gear and books I actually recommend are in my Children's Safety Amazon store. https://amzn.to/4hcldVo
The full series:
Toddler to Teen, Part 2: Back to School and Out in Public [LINK]
Toddler to Teen, Part 3: Is Roblox Safe? [LINK]
Toddler to Teen, Part 4: Cracking the Code: Teen Slang, Emoji, and Drug Codes [LINK]
Toddler to Teen, Part 5: Apps Parents Should Know (2026 Edition) [LINK]
Related reading:
My Body, My Boundaries, Part 1: "Fine" Isn't Always Fine https://www.preparednotparanoid.com/pnp-library/body-safety-for-kids
My Body, My Boundaries, Part 3: "If You Say Don't Tell, I Have to Tell" https://www.preparednotparanoid.com/pnp-library/surprises-vs-secrets
Awareness Skills for Kids https://www.preparednotparanoid.com/pnp-library/awareness-skills-for-kids
The Creepy Coach, Part 1: "Creepy" Is Not a Look. It's a Pattern. [LINK]
Child Safety Resource Center [LINK]
References
RAINN. Campus Sexual Violence: Statistics. https://rainn.org/statistics/campus-sexual-violence
National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. Safety Tips. https://www.missingkids.org/education
Betz, L. Navigating the Red Zone and Beyond (SCAN framework).
Betz, L. Situational Awareness and Safe Family Travel Strategies (the 10-Second Rule).
Disclaimer
These suggestions are intended to help you and your family build awareness, confidence, and safer decision-making habits. They are not a substitute for professional advice, including legal, medical, mental health, or law enforcement guidance. No safety plan, checklist, or training can guarantee 100% protection. There will always be people who try to exploit vulnerability, opportunity, trust, or positions of power. The goal is not to create fear, but to help guide families toward more informed, prepared, and practical safety decisions in everyday life. Laws and reporting rules vary, so check your state and county for the exact rules where you live. Affiliate disclosure: I've linked to products from my Amazon store that I personally recommend. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting my work.
If you suspect a child is being abused, contact local law enforcement, your state's child protective services, or the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 (call or text). If a child is in immediate danger, call 911.
Awareness gives you time. Time gives you options.
The Prepared Protector is someone who's decided that loving someone means being ready for them, not just hoping things go fine.
Prepared Not Paranoid. Protecting the Most Vulnerable Among Us.
